Exhausted

Well, here I am again completely worn down, as exhausted as can be. But the difference from the last time I felt exhausted is why I am. I’ve learned too much, I need a break and me plus mainly the whole student body is feeling it. We are all mentally and spiritual exhausted from learning so much about ourselves, about God and about everything in between and around that. The few moments I have to just sit and not have to be in class, I tend to be sleeping because at night just isn’t enough. In the dorms you’re lucky if you get into bed by 10:30 and then it’s a miracle if you’re actually sleeping at that point too. Most people settle down around 11 – 11:30. It’s kind of late but you just learn to schedule in a few naps. Most of my days are spent napping because I am so exhausted from learning, my brain can’t handle it. I long for weekends and Skype dates.

Most of the time there are only like well one person I want to Skype with. However, our schedules are so incredibly different it is hard to find the time and then my internet connection is just horrible that it hardly ever works. But those few moments when it actually does work, I feel so blessed from. Then on my weekends I tend to do nothing at all, just hang out and relax. If I do something it is sure not homework, my brain wouldn’t able to handle it. Which means the beginning of my week is extra busy catching up on the things I didn’t do over the weekend and then the end of my week is busy doing the things I should have been doing at the beginning but wasn’t because of what I was doing. It’s kind of mess but it’s the life I have chosen to live at this point.

I know what you’re thinking – if I did spent some time working on the weekend then my week might not be so busy and maybe I wouldn’t be so exhausted. However, there is a flaw in your thinking – Friday night is Friday night so no homework would get done because I just sat through five hours of intense learning and my brain has turned off by three o’clock. Saturday I take as my Sabbath because Sunday I have go to church and well what happens in church? You learn about God again so I spend my morning there and then the rest of the day is spent on things like lunch and the weekly Wal-Mart trip. By the time I get home I am just as exhausted from all of that as I am my weekly deal. See the way I am doing it is really the only option right now.

Anyways, that’s kind of how I am feeling right now with everything. I am sure as time goes on I’ll figure out a better way of living and dealing with my time. But it is hard to find a good balance of socializing and studying and being alone. Since for me I am in a room five people alone time isn’t normally alone alone time but on my bed alone time, if you know what I mean. I know I am here to learn about God and all that stuff but here is also a great place to make lifelong friends but how could I do that if I am always studying.

Love,

a.m