Being Content

Last summer I was not content at all. I didn’t stay with anything very long and was just unsure about everything. As my world fell in on its self after graduation, I realized that growing up was hard. But then I came to the Hill and everything was perfect and I couldn’t have been happier with my life. I was pretty sure that nothing could ever go wrong and that this place was absolutely perfect. However, nothing can stay perfect forever because that would just get boring. Right? Well, I wish it would have stayed that way.

Here I am in a place that I love with people that aren’t half bad and some of them I would even honor calling them best friends. However, real life compared to fairy tales - where everything ends the way the main character wants it to, has come back to me. My fairy tale has ended and I am being hit with the harsh reality that my life isn’t actually a fairy tale. So, if that wasn’t clear - I am not content. I am just plain old unhappy and beginning to have a harder time at hiding it.

I arrived on a Wednesday and was so excited to be back and seeing everyone. Things were great and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Things last semester weren't always easy but I always felt like this is where I should be. However, this feeling of not being content has taken over, I thought it would pass and that it was only because the first weekend had come and I missed home a bit. A whole week has gone by and nothing has changed. I still feel like this isn’t for me.

There have been some pretty good times in this past week and a half that we’ve all been here. But they don’t last, the happy go lucky feeling always leaves and I am left feeling out of place in a way or like I am just a visitor here. I have lots of friends, it’s not like I’m loner but even when I am with them and we are laughing and having a good time, my heart just isn’t there and isn’t into it.

So, now with all that said, all I am doing is praying most of the time. Trying to figure out what in the world is going on inside of me and why I can’t shake it off. I know I like to travel and moving isn’t a problem for me. However, I want to see this year through with these people, I can’t imagine leaving them part way and not finishing together because we started together. And I am not saying that I have already started packing because I haven’t. All I really know is that something is not right.

Please Pray.
a.m