First Week Back

Here we are at the beginning of the last ten weeks of school at the Hill. These are the weeks we are meant to be enjoying life even more and going crazy even more and just making the very most of the time we have together as a school. As a room without really talking about it we all decided we were going to work out in these last ten weeks. Some run, have a workout have Jillian Michael’s and then three of us are all doing Insanity. If you don’t know what it is, that’s probably for the best because it is one of the most painful things ever. I don’t think I have ever sweated more in my whole life. Noelle tells me every time I tell her my caffs hurt that it is a good feeling. However, I think she is way wrong.

On Monday the two girls from my room that went home for break came back to the Hill. Noelle arriving first – middle of the afternoon as most of the girls are laying out on the back deck of the dorm enjoying the sunshine. We see the schools white van turn onto the road that leads up to the hill. With a scream and pointing finger from Heidi we all jump up and begin to run to the van’s parking place. What we didn’t think about it how hot the ground was going to be when running without shoes on. It was so hot. Both Heidi and I realized after hugging Noelle and standing and talking for a moment that we were burning the bottoms of our feet. Turning around and running back to the dorm where we soaked out feet in cold water we found out what happened to our feet. She had two blisters on the bottom and I had seven (three on one foot and four on the other). It was horribly hard to walk around the rest of the day and then the next day as well. So after talking to a few people here I came to the conclusion I needed to pop them all. Tuesday night sitting up on the bathroom counter again I stabbed a pin into my foot four times (three of the blisters weren’t hurting me so I am letting them heal on their own for now). I don’t like gross things like blood, blisters, cuts or anything along those lines on other people but on myself I am pretty fine with it. Since the next night I had to do it again to the biggest blister cause it just won’t go away.

It is so very nice to be back at the Hill with all my rooms again. Two of the girls I roomed with last semester as well so a day without seeing those two is a very sad day. Everyone here is my friend, then there are some I am closer too and then there are my roommates who are like my sisters. They wake me up in the morning, reminded me of my daily duty at lunch, tell me when something really doesn’t look good together and can tell how I am feeling better than anyone else. Without these four I would totally be lost in Texas. Last semester it was a bit harder to find time to have roommate dates or snack times and things but this semester it happens like four or five times a week just because we are always in our room hanging out. Not saying last semester we didn’t enjoy our room or that we weren’t friends but things are just different. I will surely miss these girls a lot after May 24.

love,

a.m

So Its Been A While

Hey There,

I realized throughout my whole life that I am not the type of person to keep in touch with others. I am just not good at it and tend to have the mindset if you wanna keep me then you gotta work at it. But then I thought one day - I can’t be the only person in the whole world that has thought that way. So, what I am thinking that way about one person and also thinking it'd be nice to keep them around in my life but don’t do anything and then they are thinking the same way I am. Neither of us will do anything to keep in touch with each other but we both want to. How silly is that!

And on that note I deleted Facebook. Which would firstly mean there are a whole lot of people who think I have just went a floated off into space because I didn’t say I was getting rid of it, I just did. I was there one day and gone the next, without letting anyone.

If I want to keep in touch with people shouldn’t I want to keep Facebook - one of the biggest social media websites with over 1.01 billion people using it. That would be the best way to keep in touch with people and most likely be the easiest way for me to keep in touch with people and I deleted it. What was I thinking? Was I thinking?

Well here it is - I don’t keep in touch with Facebook, I post about my life to see how many likes I can get. What is the point of that? I don’t care what people are doing unless I know they will have an interesting life then I creep them and then I am judging them or being jealous of their life. Why would I want to creep people to see their lives when I am either impressed with their life and wishing it was mine or I am not impressed with their life? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

So, that’s my life lately. Nothing overly exciting just looking at my life and seeing what I don’t want and figuring out what I should be looking to add.

Love,

a.m

Picture Time

Here are some pictures of things that are going on here at the Hill.

 

Every Tuesday night after classes there is open basket ball in the gym for whomever wants to go and play. Or be cheerleaders like Marijke and I are. Each week we make new signs for two of the guys. It was Thad's first and probably only week playing all semester so of course he got a sign!

 

Last Friday was a special day for us students since we got to sleep in and have brunch and then head off to the San Antonio Rodeo! We went into the childrens area to pet some animals.

 
My four roommates and myself all dressed up for a night planned by the guys in honor of us Hill girls.

From left to right - Marijke, Noelle, myself, Marie-Anne and Heidi.

 



The four people I am almost always with.

From left to right - myself, Joel, Jordyn, Dillon and Marijke.

Along with planning an amazing dinner and program to go along while we ate, the boys also turned the barn into a dance hall for us with a photo booth. Overall, they did an amazing job.







That is a very little look into my life. But those are some memories I will hold very close to my heart forever.

love,
a.m

Thoughts

I’ve been at a loss for words for about two weeks now. There was so much going on here that I couldn’t figure out what to say and what was better off left unsaid. And now I have come to the result that saying nothing is almost as bad as saying too much but hitting that line of saying just enough is pretty hard sometimes. There are few times in my life when I have been left with nothing to be said however, that is happening more and more to me as I get older. I am left surprised by what people say, how people act and what is happening in their lives. My last two weeks in a nut shell would be middle school drama – girls getting mad over dumb little things and boys just being dumb and not knowing how to treat a girl with respect. I thought I was in college or at least out of middle but looking back it surely doesn’t look like it with the things that I have been dealing with.

‘What you do is what you think and what you think is what you believe. What do you believe? What do people see you believing?’

Last Monday a teacher said that to our class and since then I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. I am thinking about that a lot and trying to figure out if what I do is what I am thinking and if my thinking is what I actually believe. If I go by what the saying says then yes what I do is what I think and then what I believe as well. But then looking back at these two weeks the things that have been happening aren’t what I believe – I don’t like yelling and screaming and do not think that is ever the answer. I don’t like having one of my friends mad at me for whatever reason and I can’t stand fighting of any kind. However, that’s what my weeks have been kind of filled with - I have stood by and been yelled at and been their when someone else is being yelled at and I have yelled. But that’s not what I believe. Anyways, that’s just some of my thoughts that I am working through.

Love,

a.m

Time Flies

I am pretty sure the saying goes the older you get the faster the years go by but I am not that old and this year is flying by. I wake up in the morning asking what I did the day before since all my days are filled with so much learning about God and then in the free time there are so many adventures that I have a hard time keeping my days straight anymore.

I’ve as of now studied 22 books in the Old Testament and 13 books in the New Testament, so that’s 35 of the 66 books in the bible, so I have studied over half of the books.

I’ve made lots of new friends and seen God move in some pretty amazing ways in their lives.

I’ve spent a lot of money and am waiting for the day my card is declined.

I’ve eaten three meals a day and haven’t had to do anything to prepare.

I’ve sat in 5 hours of class a day and been exhausted by all that I am taking in but then am ready to do it all over again the next morning.

I’ve been to Louisiana and eaten Alligator.

I’ve met a few cowboys and each time my heart melts a little more.

I’ve picked up my bible instead of my wallet numerous times and then had to go back to my room.

I’ve dyed my hair three times since December and am happiest now being a dark brunette.

I’ve learned that the Lord is always holding my hand even if I am not always holding His back because I am a child of God and that He would have still died even if I was the only one He was saving.

I’ve made the decision to make this the best year of my life and that wasn’t hard to make happen.

love,

a.m.

TCK

Not as many people know what TCK stands for as I think do. Third Culture Kid. That’s what I am, even though we only lived overseas for three years. For those three years that where I called home – I had good times, bad times, crazy times, extremely hot times followed by a tons of rain and times filled with the joy of knowing that we lived in a safe community with many other believers. To some Malaysia wouldn’t be a safe place or they could never imagine calling it home. But to me, that was where I wanted to be and that was where I was along with my family so that was home.

Which bring up the question of what makes up a home? I know some people would go straight to Pinterest and find their boards filled with things they have in their home or want for their home. While others pull out photos of their home throughout the ages or a picture of each house they lived in. For me home is really just memories. I don’t remember much of the stuff I learned in school, I remember the lunch hours and the times my friends and I cried together or laughed together. My whole memory is filled with times like those from all over the world. Memories from Lumsden which I would rather forget, memories from Malaysia that always make my heart feel warm and full, then there are memories from Regina but for living their three years my memories are from all over – the road trips with the fam, going on work trips with mum and going to youth treats at Colleges over the weekends.

All that brings us to now – Texas. My mind is full of cowboys and cowgirls, the dust clouds everywhere and times of laughing until my stomach is killing me with pain and then not being able to remember what started that laughter. All truly wonderful times. However, that doesn’t answer the question at hand – what makes up a home? Those are all memories from my home. My home is me, where I am is where my home is. Not meaning I am going to be bring everything I own to each place I go – that just wouldn’t work at this point. But it means I need to be happy where I am, of course there will be hard times, there are hard times everywhere, and we can’t run away from those. However, I can find the positive in bad times – gotta start seeing the cup half full not empty.

I have a great life and a great family that have like always supported me in whatever I was jumping into. That’s simply amazing and not everyone’s got that. I have two parents who are still together and don’t have plans of splitting up. I’ve got one older brother who has always been there for me through everything. Then I’ve got seven grandparents who have never disappointed me. Plus a whole bunch of cousins, aunts & uncles and tons of friends all over who care and love for me. How did I end up with all of this? I want to find a place that is my home, that I can go to and be like look this is mine. But imagining people who have lived in the same house their whole life is hard for me (after six years everyone should have to move by law).  So then why would I want to be able to go somewhere and say that this place is mine? That’s not what I want, I don’t want to live somewhere forever, and that just will not do at all. I like to travel and Asia has a very special place in my heart now.

I don’t have a home. That’s it. I don’t have an earthly home that I am longing for; my heart is yearning for my heavenly home. My heart is sad and having a rough week because I am longing for Jesus. I want to be able to physical reach out and know that He is there. This may be something I will struggle with for the rest of my life, wanting to be able to physical see and touch my heavenly creator. However, I know I cannot until I go to heaven and frankly I don’t feel like I am ready to go yet and as far as I know I am not being called home yet either.

2^nd Corinthians 5:1-10

‘For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven, inasmuch as we, having out in on, will not be found naked. For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge. Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord--- for we walk by faith, not by sight--- we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether are home or absent, to be pleasing to him. For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.’

Love,

a.m

Being Content

Last summer I was not content at all. I didn’t stay with anything very long and was just unsure about everything. As my world fell in on its self after graduation, I realized that growing up was hard. But then I came to the Hill and everything was perfect and I couldn’t have been happier with my life. I was pretty sure that nothing could ever go wrong and that this place was absolutely perfect. However, nothing can stay perfect forever because that would just get boring. Right? Well, I wish it would have stayed that way.

Here I am in a place that I love with people that aren’t half bad and some of them I would even honor calling them best friends. However, real life compared to fairy tales - where everything ends the way the main character wants it to, has come back to me. My fairy tale has ended and I am being hit with the harsh reality that my life isn’t actually a fairy tale. So, if that wasn’t clear - I am not content. I am just plain old unhappy and beginning to have a harder time at hiding it.

I arrived on a Wednesday and was so excited to be back and seeing everyone. Things were great and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Things last semester weren't always easy but I always felt like this is where I should be. However, this feeling of not being content has taken over, I thought it would pass and that it was only because the first weekend had come and I missed home a bit. A whole week has gone by and nothing has changed. I still feel like this isn’t for me.

There have been some pretty good times in this past week and a half that we’ve all been here. But they don’t last, the happy go lucky feeling always leaves and I am left feeling out of place in a way or like I am just a visitor here. I have lots of friends, it’s not like I’m loner but even when I am with them and we are laughing and having a good time, my heart just isn’t there and isn’t into it.

So, now with all that said, all I am doing is praying most of the time. Trying to figure out what in the world is going on inside of me and why I can’t shake it off. I know I like to travel and moving isn’t a problem for me. However, I want to see this year through with these people, I can’t imagine leaving them part way and not finishing together because we started together. And I am not saying that I have already started packing because I haven’t. All I really know is that something is not right.

Please Pray.
a.m