There are only 11 days left for me and Texas to be together.
It is amazing to me that I have made it through a year down here and that it is
time to move on to the next adventure/chapter of my life. As this last week of
normal classes started we all looked around for a moment and just took it all
in. Looking around, trying to remember each detail of everything we see so that
we never forget. However, the harsh reality will hit at some point – within
five to ten years from now we won’t remember a lot of this. One girl has been
counting her steps from building to building so that she will always know how
long it takes to walk from place to place. It’s a nice thought but honestly, in
ten years will she truly care how many steps it took to get from the dorm to
the dining hall. I am not counting my steps as I go around the school grounds
but normally talking with someone, thinking about what the last teacher just
talked about or replaying a memory from this year over again in my head.
Last week there were many people worried about me, I was
pretty checked out and just not here. On Wednesday morning between hour one of
class and hour two I found out that a very dear friend, Naomi, had passed away.
I had no words to tell anyone of what had happened, why I was crying
uncontrollably or what they could do. My friends hugged me and I fell into
their arms and felt the Hill behind as my mine went back in time. By Wednesday
night I was emotional checked out, and had been crying most of the day.
Thursday night there was a horrible storm - we were on tornado watch and the
ground would shake with thunder. After little sleep the night before and then
the storm keeping me up that night I was physical drained on Friday. And
mentally I just wasn’t there – I was reliving something Naomi and I had done,
replaying memories of her over again in my head. On Saturday I watched her
memorial service online and after listening to what her family had to stay
about her and how she lived her life to the fullest I realized she wouldn’t
have wanted me to fall apart forever over her passing.
I just looked at myself and how I was the few days before
and realized how silly this all was. I still have two weeks here and I am
living like I am not here because someone that I love is gone to heaven a place
I have learned more about this year and long to go to. I am allowed to be sad
about her passing and even shed a tear or two. But even more so I should be
joyful of her passing and look upon her life as an example of how I should be
living my life to the fullest each day. I just have to close my eyes to see
Naomi again and I will hold close to the fact that one day I will see her
again. I just have to close my eyes and go back in time to the classes I’ve
taken here and the crazy things I’ve done here too. I am allowed to be sad
about leaving but not to the point where life as I know it stops because life
doesn’t stop, you just stop living it. Texas and I will always be together in
my heart even if I am not actually still down here and Naomi, she will always
be in heart.
Love,
a.m.
