Leaving

So tomorrow morning we leave for a mission’s trip. We’ll be gone from Saturday to Saturday. Which means I will not be posting between those days and maybe not until the middle of the week I’m back just because things will be so busy with school and catching up on sleep. Just so that y’all know!
Anyways, we are going to be doing actually work during the days like with dirt. So some digging and things like that and then in the evenings we will be doing things like VBS ish stuff. It’s not really clear what we are doing because well nobody really knows. Everything is just kind of go with the flow, I am totally okay with that but not everybody is. So it shall be interesting. It’s a 10 hour bus trip if nothing goes wrong, but it is most likely something will so it’ll probably be longer than that plus we are going to have to stop for food and bathroom breaks. I am very excited to see more of the United States of America and stuff.
Mariah and I got some matching shirts for work days. I’ll post some pictures when I am back of the trip and stuff from campus. But we are so excited for our shirts – one of them says Team Awesome! Which we are!! I need to start packing and do some laundry. They first told us that we wouldn’t need to bring our own bedding but then tonight at supper they were like just jokes you need your own bedding now so i have to figure out how to pack that in plus enough clothing. I will not be wearing something two days in a row because it is so hot that I would smell so incredible bad that it wouldn’t even be funny. So I need kind of lot of clothing. Plus it is said that it is going to rain the whole time so we will be playing in the mud most of the time.
Anyways, that just a bunch of random info about my coming up week! I know it just all seems really random but thats just kind of how my brain works. So now you have seen into a little piece of my brain! Hooray :) Please be praying that everything goes well for us.

Love,

a.m

Breaking The Rules & Hearts

Life just doesn’t seem fair sometimes. Not that this reflects anything to do with His Hill, since most things here are pretty fair or at least fair enough for me not to care. Anyways, we are brought up by our parents being told that everything needs to be fair and that we all need to share everything that we have. That’s what I think is dumb. Teaching kids to play fair when in reality things aren’t fair and they just keep getting less fair as time goes on, the older we get the less fair things are. But what can we do about that, scream and yell at each other. I don’t think so, that has never worked for anything before. We do learn that lesson as a child.

 

There aren’t as many lessons as a child that can be brought up with you into adulthood. Things just don’t work like that anymore. Times have changed and people aren’t playing nice anymore, if they even did in the beginning. The people – our parents that control us as children no longer have control on us. They are just people now, yet we still go to them for help because they are older and meant to be wiser than us. In most cases they are but then there are those few who are just not. What lessons did their children learn from them? How could anyone learn anything of value from them? And who do those grown up children go to now for help and guidance?

I sometimes feel like I am breaking the rules even though there aren’t really any rules anymore. I am an adult; I am on my own - in a way. My parents will always be my parents and I am beyond thankful for them don’t get me wrong or anything. I love my parents and all the other people that have helped raise me because I know it was a tough job. But I don’t have them now, I am in Texas, much too far away to go running to them every time something happens or when I just don’t know what to think about something. I have to come up with the answers on my own and figure out how to live life as best as I can.

Being an adult is a much harder job than I would have ever thought. Things just always seemed so simple for them, they went to work and then came home and if you are my mum there was some shopping over lunch or for my dad a nap. I know though that there are harder jobs than others, like my dad’s job being an electrician – climbing into people’s roofs and wiring things and what not. But it still all seemed so simply to me as a child. However, I have now learned my lesson. Being an adult is much harder than it looks like. Things aren’t all laid out for you, you have to make the decision and then live with it afterward.

I am pretty good at making decisions but not living with it afterward. I know what I want but I don’t always know the best way of getting it and most of the time I go the wrong way to get it. I am not as smart as my parents are, at least not yet. They’ve got many years on me for learning things about life and how to live it. All I am doing now is breaking the rules and hearts trying to learn how adults make it all look so simple.

love,
a.m

Early Morning & Late Nights

My whole life, I would go to bed late and wake up early. It’s just who I am, it’s how I was made. But here it is much harder to do that, since I share a room with four other girls and I am on the top bunk. My bed makes a lot of noise when I move around, so I always feel bad going up and down it. I only go up if I am sure that I am going to be going to bed soon after, that way it’s less of a hassle for me and then I don’t make too much noise. However, when I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep and need to get up and do something, it makes it much harder. If I was in a room with only one other person I wouldn’t mind as much. But when there are four and sometimes five other people in my room, I just feel like I am not respecting their sleeping pattern. When I am honestly trying my best to do what I can to help myself sleep. I went to bed like super early one night thinking that maybe I would sleep until my normal time but nope that didn’t happen. If I go to bed early I am waking up way earlier and if I go to bed late I wake up at 6:30 am like I have my whole life. There is just no way around it.

 

That is what happened last night, I went to bed way after the rest of my room and when I came in I still had to get ready for bed and everything in the dark – which wasn’t so bad. But I felt bad that I had to open my closet, go into drawers and climb up to my bed – the whole time making what I thought was a fair bit of noise. Before I went into my room I thought about sleeping on the couch in the lounge but half of the couch was gone because another girl was sleeping over and was it to sleep on in another room. So, I came to the conclusion I was going to have to go into my room, there was no way around it.

I don’t mind sharing a room, I actually love having roommates. There are some really fun parts of about it – like the other night we stayed up just talking about our lives, funny things that happened that day and mainly anything that came to mind. It was a blast and we really bonded as a room as we giggled. However, as many good times come with sharing a room there will be hard times sharing a room too.

Love,

a.m

Missing You

Today I meant to be doing homework, since I do have a lot of it. But my mind to completely somewhere else. I am trying to write a paper about the book of Malachi and putting God first in everything, however, I can`t keep my mind on the task – the task of writing about Gods word. My mind is lost, in sadness, pain and then joyfulness too. I am all over the map today and for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t understand where I went when I stopped typing or while I was staring at my page of notes but not able to understand what I wrote down. Then it hit me like running into a glass door, it was as if i opened part of my mind that i had closed because it hurt – a year ago today I lost a very good friend, a classmate, a sister in Christ. I lost, along with the rest of my class, Acacia Tisher.

 

About a month ago was her birthday, and that was a hard day to get through too but nothing compared to how I feel today, the day she went to live in heaven with our Heavenly Father. It is a beautiful day in one way but then in the other it breaks my heart that she is not here. She was not here to graduate with us, to go to Japan and do everything else she dreamed of doing. That was Acacia, she was a dream, and she had big plans for her life. She knew what she wanted way before most of us had ever put any thought into it. Such a beautiful, Godly young woman, taken what I think was before her time. However, only God truly knows when it is time for someone to go home to him and when they are meant to stay here and continue living out their life for him.

I will never truly understand what God was thinking when He took her home. But I know it has made me and a whole lot of other people stronger because of it. We learned how to live through the hard times, how to take everything we are going through to God because He knows. He knows way before we ever see it coming. I didn’t see this coming at all. She was so tough I thought she`d make it through and come back to us at school. It was there in the back of my mind that maybe she might not make it but I never once believed that thought, I only wanted to see her smile again when she came down the hallway to say hello.

Hello Acacia.

Love,

a.m

Here I Am

I now finally have time to go over my last week and a half. It’s time to reflect on everything that has happened and probably laugh again at the super funny things that happened as I made new friends.

So, my everyday duty here is to take attendance at every meal, I have learned people’s names way quicker than I normally would because I controlled whether or not they were late. If you are late for a meal or class you get one point, once you have gotten 12 points you’re in trouble but most people don’t even get to 4 points by the end of the year. I have had to give a few lates but not too many and those people knew that they were late. It sometimes is hard to tell whether or not they are late just because if they were washing their hands or if they sat down during the prayer so then I didn’t see, nobody has gotten really mad about what I have put down. Since most people know when they are late and when they are not, some people have even come up to me and told me they were going to wash their hands so they might come in after the prayer so then I knew that they were there and not late. I always just giggle after people do that, they are so worried that they are going to end up getting a point but I guess so would I if I wasn’t the one doing the attendance. I can’t be late for any meal because then I have to mark myself down and well that would just be awkward.

The food here is way too good. Like honesty I am always going for seconds at meals. It’s so crazy and the bread is homemade most of the time so it’s like fresh and so tasty. Even when it’s just like the simplest of meals I am always like ‘wow! This is amazing!’ the cook just kind of thinks I am crazy for always being so excited about eating but hey if you were here you’d understand what I am talking about. I always knew that I loved food but I had no idea that I could love food even more than I did beforehand. However, I still want my mumma’s home cooking; there is just something about it.

I’ve got three classes in the morning and then two in the evening after supper. Which would make you think that I have afternoons off however, it is far from it some days. Monday and Tuesday afternoons I have off to do homework and just hang out. Then on Wednesday it is outreach day, so we all signed up for an outreach we thought we’d enjoy. I am going to Fabra Elementary School and doing mentoring there with 11 other students (that’s including our driver, Levi, who also is mentoring a student and works for His Hill). We haven’t met the kids yet, we will this coming Wednesday. I am so excited, they are either from families in poverty, or they are having a hard time in school and just need that one friend that they can talk to and do homework with or whatever they want. It sounds like so much fun! There will also be times when we’ll do things as a whole group like for Halloween – craving pumpkins, Christmas – decorating cupcakes and times like that.

Just as a side note – this past Wednesday on our way back to the school I asked Levi if we could stop for ice cream in Comfort before going to the school, since we had time. Jordyn and I even offered to pay for his ice cream since he was driving. We thought it was a brilliant idea. But then he tells me that he’s allergic to ice cream within three feet. I don’t really know him yet so I was like I want to believe that but I am having a hard time with that, since I had never heard of anyone being allergic to ice cream. However, by the time we got back to the school I totally believed him and mainly the whole van had gotten into telling me that he was. When I was about to get out of the van back on campus, he turned around and was like, I am not allergic to ice cream. I laughed so hard, I couldn’t believe how gullible I was. I also couldn’t believe that he had lied to me so I told him that I would never believe him again. This is going to be hard since I will see him at least once a week for the whole afternoon.

On Thursday afternoons we work - real work. The girls are cleaning things like the dorms, dining hall, chapel, motel and other random building on campus and the kid’s camp ground too. While the guys are doing hard labor kind of things – moving rock, digging holes and what not. We start around 1:45 and aren’t done until 5 o’clock – just in time to clean up for supper. It is a long day, at least this past Wednesday was. My group of five girls was in the dining hall, we cleaned everything. Scrubbing things that I was like ‘really, we clean this’. I found it a little over the top, but if they want me to get down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor then hey I will. About every month we’ll be changing up the jobs so in a few weeks I’ll be moved into a new group cleaning a new place. It won’t be that bad, some of the jobs are way easier than others are.

Then there are Fridays, a completely different day of the week from the rest. On Friday’s we have discipleship groups in the morning – they put us in groups of 3 or 4 and we are meant to talk about this book that they gave us to read but we can also talk about whatever else the group wants to talk about. I really enjoyed yesterday’s session. My group leader is named Chris and she had us over along with her husband, Bob’s group of boys over for breakfast. It was so nice to just get off campus for a little while. We all had breakfast together then we went into our groups and chatted. My group has the oldest student who is Swiss – Martina, a second year from Costa Rica – Ardri, a fellow Canadian from Ontario – Rachel and then me. It was such a nice time to spend with those girls, I hadn’t really gotten to know them very much but by the end of this semester we’ll all be like sisters. At least that’s what we prayed. After that at 11:30 we have one session in the chapel with one of our three professors – Kelly, Charlie or the guest speaker – Satsih. Today’s session felt like forever since I was excited about lunch again through the whole thing. After lunch is over, we have two more session with the other two professors. We are done around 3-ish, I think. Then we are free for the weekend.

 

That is mainly my whole week, I don’t think I really left anything out other than what we do in the evenings after class but that’s just kind of a grab people and do it kind of a thing. So who knows what we’ll end up doing next week in the evening or if I will even end up going. I did this week just cause we were all trying to get to know each other and bond. But now we are all pretty bonded and have our main group of friends and everything. Over all I am very thankful I am here, it’s all working out for the best I’d say.

Love,

a.m

Some Things Dont Change

I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to change. I am who I am and that’s that. Nothing I can do about it now. However, I am also pretty sure that there a few things I can change about myself. Like how I am out going when I am sure I can’t fail at anything, which isn’t awesome. The guy who made the light bulb failed like so many times before he actually figured it all out. So then why can’t I get myself to think like that, why can’t I think be okay with failing a few times?
All of this was brought to mind last night when we went over to a teachers house to just hang out and learn how to ‘country dance’ since a bunch of us are going to the rodeo on Saturday night. A whole bunch of people were trying to learn how to dance – some people were really good while others weren’t so much. But everyone was having fun, even the people on the side, which I was one of them. But on my walk back to my room, I realized that I could have been having more fun dancing in the middle, well at least trying to learn how to dance like that. However, I was afraid of failing and being like super bad at it and having everyone know. Instead of having people know whether I am bad or good at ‘country dancing’, I have people who know that I don’t step outside of my comfort zone; I don’t want to look silly. Which isn’t totally true. I am completely out of my comfort zone in some areas since I am here and then I do tend to look silly most of the time.
All this doesn’t mean I am going to go dance on Saturday and it doesn’t mean I am going to stop being silly or anything. It just means that there are some things that I wish would change about me. However, for those to change means I have to change and make it partly a mental thing and I am not sure if I am ready for that right yet.
love,
a.m.

Indian Tradition

This week’s guest speaker is from India. He runs the Torchbearers there, so it is amazing that he has the time to come to Texas and teach all of us. There is so much I would love to say about him but since it is all about his life, I won’t. All I will say is that he has been through so much and that it is amazing he is still alive today. He has the type of life people write books about, just the craziest and scariest things happening but through it all God was protecting him, even before he began to believe. That is the kind of testimony that changes live and it sure has in the past few days as we’ve listen to him talk and tell us stories about his life that go along with what he wants to teach us about the bible and God.
So, he has been going over Malachi with us. Which I thought was a little strange at first since it is the last book of the Old Testament and we are also in class with Kelly going over Genesis. We are learning in the same week about the first book and the last book. I don’t think I had even read Malachi before this, so when he said that’s what he’s teaching on, I thought it’d be pretty important for me to read it right away. Which I did and now am very thankful for since I know what he talking about and which verse he is referring too at times.
The main theme of all of his talks (by the end of the week he’ll have talked to us in class 10 times) are about how if God isn’t the first thing in your life all other relationships fail. We have to remember that God comes first because without him we are nothing, and we’d have nothing. I wouldn’t be down here in Texas if it wasn’t for God. I had other plans for my life, which weren’t what God was planning and he made it pretty clear that I was not following his instruction for my life by cancelling my England plans. But now I see that this was the best place for me to be, I have so much to learn about myself still before I can just jump into the world and say here I am. I also had a lot to learn about God, like yeah I’ve read my bible and went to a Christian school for six years. However, those cannot even compare to what I’ve learned this past week. I’d probably be fair to say that I have learned more this past week than I did any of my bible classes. Not that I had bad teachers or anything, I love them all and have learned things from them but this is all about God all the time. Here everyone has put God first so when he started talking about it I was like well isn’t that why we are here is because we are putting God first. However, as time went on I began to realize that we might be here because of God but there are still things here that can get put in front of God, like doing our homework, being with friends can both take away from our personal time with God.

Love,
a.m.

More Info

It’s now time to fill you all in on my life, since I haven’t had time yet really to get all the details out there. I am in a room with four other girls from all over the world – one German, Sarah, one African, Marie Ann, one American, Noelle and then another Canadian, Josie. I am on a top bunk which isn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I have a closet and three large drawers for my clothing and other random stuff and then I share a desk with Sarah. Our room doesn’t have a bathroom as part of it so we have to go down the hallway to the shared bathroom; there are eight girls who share it. There is more than enough room for all of us in there; I don’t think all eight of us have even been in there all at the same time yet. But I am sure it will happen at some point. Saturday and Sundays are pretty free for us to do whatever we want, since it is the first Saturday we had a trip to Wal-Mart. Almost everybody came on the trip since most of us aren’t from around here. I didn’t want to spend too much money but I knew there was a few things I had to get and I only ended up spending 58 dollars. I have to go back next weekend again though because the photo area what behind on printing and wasn’t able to get my photos printed so they discounted them for me and I told them I would be back next weekend on the Wal-Mart trip to pick them up. So I have to go another week without any pictures of well anything up. But once I get them, my part of the room will look so pretty!!

Yesterday we got our first homework and it’s not due until Friday so I have a bit of time to do it. All it is right now is reading and then writing about what you read so like a summary I guess. Not too bad for the first while. Our reading is starting in Genesis and then going through the Old Testament from there. We’ve only had like maybe two classes and already there has been so much learning and so many like wow moments. This year is going to be filled with lots of those moments I am pretty sure, which is just super exciting! They have mainly everything on lock down like internet hours, no watching movies on computers and lights out time. It’s not that bad and it’s pretty easy to follow the rules but I am sure there will be times when it’ll get a little annoying.

Love,

a.m.

Day One ish

Here I am in Texas now. This is pretty crazy still; it has its moments where it doesn’t feel real yet. The transition into life here hasn’t been that bad, everyone is so friendly because otherwise they’d be complete loners and that would not be fun at all. It’s only the second day and I’ve already learned so much. I can’t believe I am actually in Texas, it’s always been my favorite state but I never thought I would actually get to live here for a whole year and be a part of this ministry. I am so excited to see what God has planned for this year, there is so much going on all the time and always people to hang with. It probably isn’t a better place to live actually, we’ll see if I say that by the end of the year, I might hate it by the end. You just never know really.

My flights were good, might actually be the smoothest flights I have ever had. I still have a strange love for airports, which just might never die. You always meet the craziest of peoples there and see some cra cra things. Anyways, cant say too much now cause computer is going to die.

Love,

a.m.

Number One

All morning I had been thinking, it’s okay, I can still back out. It had sort of become my theme for the summer, backing out of things and running away from real life. I apparently wasn’t ready for life after high school, people can tell you about how its way more fun and how things will be hard but you never really understand until you are there, until you are done high school and entering the real world unable to turn back and say not yet. That’s where I am now, I can’t turn back, I can’t say I am not ready yet because I am as ready as I would ever be, so I have to take that last step and enter the real world of hard times and having to push through whatever is thrown my way. I know there will be hard times coming for me and I know there will be times when I will want to turn around and run for my parent’s home. But I know that I can’t, I have waited my whole life to be on my own and now I am so I have to take it as it comes because that’s what I asked for.
During the summer I didn’t work because I was afraid, I had worked in the summer time before. There was nothing to be afraid of but I was and that was the simple fact, however it didn’t seem so simple then. Looking back over everything that happened I don’t regret anything that happened or the choices I made. I made them for me, I was only looking out for number one and maybe that’s wrong. But who else is going to look out for me the way I do. No one, there  is only me who knows  how I am feeling and what I truly want for me so it is only fair that I am always looking out for number one. Now, in the real world I am truly the only one looking out for me, the only one that is going to take care of myself, I don’t have parents who will run to my side the second I need them now. They are having their own lives and making their own friends now that they actually have time to have lives. So, it is only fair I give them that now and not call on them every time I am thinking that I am dying which does happen to be a lot. So the lesson I have to learn is how to be on my own, how to not need people so much and try to do things myself – to look out for number one.

Starting Over

I have started this over three times because I honestly don’t have that much to say about leaving. I’m not normally someone lost for words, there is always something to be said and I always know what that something is until now. I am sure there is something to be said about it all however, whatever it is I don’t know what it is. Maybe that has to do with that fact that it hasn’t clicked yet that I am moving away from home for the year but everything is in order for me to go now. So, here I go into the huge fish bowl of life and I don’t know how I feel about that. There are no feelings that I can put to words or even thoughts for me to try and understand. That’s why I am having such a hard time to know what to say about this whole thing.

I have moved a few times in my life and I have normally always felt something – sad, mad, happy, and/or confused.  But I am not sad about leaving. It’s time to leave; I’ve lived in Regina for three years and had a good time here and now it’s just time to leave for a while. I’m not mad about leaving or about where I am going and how it was the second plan or about the limit of stuff I can take. There is nothing to be mad about at all. I am happy to go on my own adventure and to see new things. However, I wouldn’t say I am overly happy, not like a hyper happy. I’m just happy with life at this moment.  At this point I wouldn’t say I am confused but it is possible at some point tomorrow I will be confused. So, that’s how I feel, over all that is a little confusing right there. I am sure tomorrow will come with a lot more emotions than today.  

love,
a.m.

Unforgettable

I decided that I wanted to pack everything of mine up into box's before I left, which meant I would have to go through all my stuff and figure out what I really wanted to keep, what needed to be put into the garbage and what was going to be sent to Value Village. I started over a week ago and am not at the point where most of the things left can put packed away into my boxes. My whole life is coming down to being able to be put into three large box's (please note that does not include any of my clothing). There once was a time where I had a lot of stuff and keep everything because I was wondered I would forget something, even if it wasn't important to me. But that time has passed, if I forget things and I will forget some things then they really weren't that important to me in the first place. So, I shouldn't be worrying about forgetting things because the most important things in my life are unforgettable.

Let me show you a few...

I don't remember when this picture was taken and I can't remember my first memory of Kaleb either but that doesn't make him any less my brother. It also doesn't mean I would ever forget him.

For three years, I got to spend my days looking at this all the time; it was the view from my home. There is no way I could forget this even if I tried.

One of the biggest milestones in my life so far, graduation from High School. That was a pretty big deal and made my face feel pretty sore the next day but I wouldn't change a thing about it, I want to remember those days just the way they happened.

I met these two girls in Guatemala on a mission trips I went on with my school in grade 11. We played, laughed and picked grass together in their school yard. That was one day, just a few short hours spent together that will never ever be forgotten.

Dallas Green.
City & Colour.
Best Concert Ever.
Unforgettable. 














love,
a.m.