All morning I had been thinking, it’s okay, I can still back
out. It had sort of become my theme for the summer, backing out of things and
running away from real life. I apparently wasn’t ready for life after high
school, people can tell you about how its way more fun and how things will be hard
but you never really understand until you are there, until you are done high
school and entering the real world unable to turn back and say not yet. That’s where
I am now, I can’t turn back, I can’t say I am not ready yet because I am as
ready as I would ever be, so I have to take that last step and enter the real
world of hard times and having to push through whatever is thrown my way. I
know there will be hard times coming for me and I know there will be times when
I will want to turn around and run for my parent’s home. But I know that I can’t,
I have waited my whole life to be on my own and now I am so I have to take it
as it comes because that’s what I asked for.
During the summer I didn’t work because I was afraid, I had worked in the summer time before. There was nothing to be afraid of but I was and that was the simple fact, however it didn’t seem so simple then. Looking back over everything that happened I don’t regret anything that happened or the choices I made. I made them for me, I was only looking out for number one and maybe that’s wrong. But who else is going to look out for me the way I do. No one, there is only me who knows how I am feeling and what I truly want for me so it is only fair that I am always looking out for number one. Now, in the real world I am truly the only one looking out for me, the only one that is going to take care of myself, I don’t have parents who will run to my side the second I need them now. They are having their own lives and making their own friends now that they actually have time to have lives. So, it is only fair I give them that now and not call on them every time I am thinking that I am dying which does happen to be a lot. So the lesson I have to learn is how to be on my own, how to not need people so much and try to do things myself – to look out for number one.
During the summer I didn’t work because I was afraid, I had worked in the summer time before. There was nothing to be afraid of but I was and that was the simple fact, however it didn’t seem so simple then. Looking back over everything that happened I don’t regret anything that happened or the choices I made. I made them for me, I was only looking out for number one and maybe that’s wrong. But who else is going to look out for me the way I do. No one, there is only me who knows how I am feeling and what I truly want for me so it is only fair that I am always looking out for number one. Now, in the real world I am truly the only one looking out for me, the only one that is going to take care of myself, I don’t have parents who will run to my side the second I need them now. They are having their own lives and making their own friends now that they actually have time to have lives. So, it is only fair I give them that now and not call on them every time I am thinking that I am dying which does happen to be a lot. So the lesson I have to learn is how to be on my own, how to not need people so much and try to do things myself – to look out for number one.
You are a strong with a lovely spirit ....remember it is one day at a time...maybe one minute or one hour...but the minutes turn into hours and so it goes!! Love you! Granny
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