Some Things Dont Change

I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to change. I am who I am and that’s that. Nothing I can do about it now. However, I am also pretty sure that there a few things I can change about myself. Like how I am out going when I am sure I can’t fail at anything, which isn’t awesome. The guy who made the light bulb failed like so many times before he actually figured it all out. So then why can’t I get myself to think like that, why can’t I think be okay with failing a few times?
All of this was brought to mind last night when we went over to a teachers house to just hang out and learn how to ‘country dance’ since a bunch of us are going to the rodeo on Saturday night. A whole bunch of people were trying to learn how to dance – some people were really good while others weren’t so much. But everyone was having fun, even the people on the side, which I was one of them. But on my walk back to my room, I realized that I could have been having more fun dancing in the middle, well at least trying to learn how to dance like that. However, I was afraid of failing and being like super bad at it and having everyone know. Instead of having people know whether I am bad or good at ‘country dancing’, I have people who know that I don’t step outside of my comfort zone; I don’t want to look silly. Which isn’t totally true. I am completely out of my comfort zone in some areas since I am here and then I do tend to look silly most of the time.
All this doesn’t mean I am going to go dance on Saturday and it doesn’t mean I am going to stop being silly or anything. It just means that there are some things that I wish would change about me. However, for those to change means I have to change and make it partly a mental thing and I am not sure if I am ready for that right yet.
love,
a.m.